Joshua Arnold

All horribleness aside, I am humbled today. I’ll save a templated “here’s what happened” email to send to those who are interested as I would prefer not to discuss it in an entry.

Humbled really is the perfect word as these events have made me realize just how easy it is to make a mistake. I often forget how much ground you need to cover to make sure you never slip up. More importantly, I forget that it’s impossible. It was just a blinding realization that everything you’ve worked for can be taken from you in a matter of seconds. It’s helping me re-prioritize my life a little, to say the least.

There’s too many thoughts floating through my head to make another pseudo-coherent paragraph. I wish you well and hope that your day was better than and as enlightening as mine.

Technorati Tags: career, new year, ramblings, realizations, self-learning, weird

I think “taking a break from writing” is somewhat of an oxymoron for me. Given the fact that writing is the form my relaxation most frequently takes, you would think that the “break” is kind of…you know, bundled together with that. I’ve found that that’s really not the case.

It’s like I intentionally try to forget that I don’t have to dig deep when I write. I tell myself over and over that it really is acceptable to simply start writing with no particular purpose in mind. Hell, it’s actually one of my favorite things to do but instead I pull an empty page and stare off into space. However, I must admit, this past week I tried my best to stay away from the computer as much as possible. In fact, I tried to stay away from everything as much as possible. You see, this was my week of recovery after the train-wreck that preceded it. If you haven’t heard that story, then I’m not sure where you’ve been. For the sake of the parties involved, I didn’t post the details but if you’re interested, I’m more than willing to share. I’d like to think I have the narration down perfect by now

I’m out of my hibernation/funk now, though. As always, I’m a brand new person. Can the discovery or recreation of your identity really become cliché? I mean, I guess anything can but that just seems somewhat weird to me. I just tend to do it so often that it’s nothing spectacular anymore.

“Josh changed his perspective on life”
“Oh yeah, I read that entry. When event X happened?”
“Oh no, that was yesterday. You didn’t hear about event Y?”

Maybe it’s not THAT often but it feels like it lately. If it’s not extensively flirting with a good friend, I’m ruining a moment I used to obsess over. Either that or I’m being tortured by a freaking psycho.

All that said, it’s been an adventurous year! God, I’m a little scared to see what’s next.

It’s an interesting thing to come face to face with reality. The ridiculous part about it is that you thought you were staring at it the entire time. Sometimes it’s like waking from a night of perfect sleep. Other times it’s like getting hit with a semi-truck. The situation at hand, sadly, is the latter. It’s the foundation of a suite of daydreams and the final touches on the worst nightmare you’ll have in years. Regardless of the circumstances, I believe every one of you has experienced exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the realization that your world is upside down and even though you think you saw it coming, you never knew how drastic it would be. We learn, we grow, and we adapt but it doesn’t take away from the profoundness of the moment.

It’s like I was looking in the buildings for my reflection. I was waiting for that moment where you see yourself in a whole new light and everything changes from your side. I was privileged enough to feel it from both ends this time around. I saw my reflection in the beauty of the skyline. There’s something about unplanned travel that gets me. It’s one thing to plan your getaway to some foreign land, but it can be equally as invigorating to have a day to pack before hitting the streets of NYC and finding yourself wandering Times Square.

It was the quite an experience and, even though it could have been better, it was exactly what I needed. City lights get me every time. Soon I’ll be staring at the lights of Tokyo again. Until then, however, I’m content with where I am.

Enjoy some pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/MyNewYorkAdventure

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, new york, random, self-learning, traveling

My pipe dreams are seeming more and more worth fighting for.

Call it a loss of control…or maybe it’s a birth of freedom? To be honest, I’m not sure it matters what you call it. What truly matters is that this year is changing everything for me, just like I knew it would. It’s my year of adventures. My year to take the steps I’ve always been afraid to take. It’s my year to truly define myself.

For starters, I’m taking a plunge and heading to New York this weekend. Random? You have no idea… I’m terrified but imagine the adventure! I have no idea what I’m in store for and that’s alright with me. I’m finally taking some risks in my life and God, it feels better than I thought it would.

“It’s phoenix for peanuts”.

That phrase pushed me through high school. It found it’s way into the ears of so many during graduation speeches and it’s transformed in meaning more often than anything I’ve ever known. It will never be the corny phrase that was simply a phase – at least, not to me. It was direction to my direction-less life. It was motivation to my lack thereof.

Today it’s freedom in a handbag. It’s the Brooklyn Bridge.
It’s the courage I’ve needed all this time.

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, cartel, new year, new york, random

“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”

But seriously, I was up late again last night and somehow managed to get to work by 7:30. I have a rather large new assignment at work that I’ll begin hammering out today – hopefully. I managed to lose the files I grabbed yesterday so I figured I’d get a post in while I wait an hour for this thing to re-download.

I find myself in a new place this morning. It’s vaguely reminiscent of past memories and perhaps similar to feelings that I’ve had throughout my years but I’d like to think this time it’s different. Although…whether that’s a good thing or not has yet to be decided. Nevertheless, it’s nice to know that I haven’t become completely callous over the years. I’m still shaken up by my holiday mistakes but they’re evolving into one of those lessons I know I’ll never forget. That, in combination with the new feelings that I have, isn’t the easiest thing to deal with but I’d like to think that I’m managing. Even if I do space out for an hour every now and then.

It’s a defining moment. No matter how I look at it, I am responsible for choosing where we go from here. Do you think I have the courage?

Technorati Tags: ramblings, slightly lost, weird

“And we’ll never miss a party cause we keep them going constantly…”

Tonight I’m wondering what he actually meant by this. Not that the intended meaning has any true impact on what it means to me. What I’m finding more interesting is how the meaning has changed for me over the years. What I’m finding the most interesting is when I realized what it would mean to truly stay 18 forever.

I remember when it meant that I would stay alive for eternity. I never wanted to fully give in to the notion of maturity. Little did I know I had always been doomed since before I even knew better…but it was more than that. It was rebellion, it was freedom, and it was security. It was standing in the middle of the road, overlooking the city, and screaming until our lungs gave out. It was late night guitar. It was skyline.

Tonight it’s different. Maybe it’s because I remember exactly what it meant and how that has slipped through my fingers. Maybe it’s because I crossed a line I never thought I would cross. No matter what the case may be, tonight it’s a reflection. It’s a song about our past and an ode to the memories we will always wish we could relive. It’s not regret. Instead it’s a painful acceptance of the paths that we’ve chosen. Believe me, they are very painful.

The words begin to mean more to me.

You’re just jealous cause we’re young and in love
Your stomach’s filled up but you’re starved for conversation
You’re spending all your nights growing old in your bed
And you’re tearing up your photos cause you wanna forget… it’s over

It’s weird. There are photos that I would like to tear up simply because they remind me of my decisions but it’s all a part of this art of growing old.

Technorati Tags: brand new, holidays, realizations