Art of Growing Old

“And we’ll never miss a party cause we keep them going constantly…”

Tonight I’m wondering what he actually meant by this. Not that the intended meaning has any true impact on what it means to me. What I’m finding more interesting is how the meaning has changed for me over the years. What I’m finding the most interesting is when I realized what it would mean to truly stay 18 forever.

I remember when it meant that I would stay alive for eternity. I never wanted to fully give in to the notion of maturity. Little did I know I had always been doomed since before I even knew better…but it was more than that. It was rebellion, it was freedom, and it was security. It was standing in the middle of the road, overlooking the city, and screaming until our lungs gave out. It was late night guitar. It was skyline.

Tonight it’s different. Maybe it’s because I remember exactly what it meant and how that has slipped through my fingers. Maybe it’s because I crossed a line I never thought I would cross. No matter what the case may be, tonight it’s a reflection. It’s a song about our past and an ode to the memories we will always wish we could relive. It’s not regret. Instead it’s a painful acceptance of the paths that we’ve chosen. Believe me, they are very painful.

The words begin to mean more to me.

You’re just jealous cause we’re young and in love
Your stomach’s filled up but you’re starved for conversation
You’re spending all your nights growing old in your bed
And you’re tearing up your photos cause you wanna forget… it’s over

It’s weird. There are photos that I would like to tear up simply because they remind me of my decisions but it’s all a part of this art of growing old.