It’s 2:46am and I cannot sleep for the life of me. I tried for about an hour and a half, while listening to classical music and staring at my ceiling, but there’s just too much on my mind.
I don’t have much to say tonight so I’ll just relax, watch some Scrubs, and program my heart out.
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Sometimes I forget how public my thoughts truly can be and how easy it is for people to experience my raw thoughts without having them filtered and placed into context. When I vent my thoughts are in their rawest form. Unfortunately, this also means I lose a sense of professional decorum and a general sense of what’s appropriate. It also has the tendency to make me come off as nothing short of an arrogant jackass.
Let’s focus these entries on my personal life. I’ll continue to write about whatever I feel needs to be written. However, I think I might focus a little more on the decision process used to determine what’s appropriate for public display.
I can’t get to sleep tonight and I’m not even tired. I don’t really feel like I have anything good to say either, but I feel the need to write something. I always have something to say - it just might take a while to get it out of me.
I’ve decided that I might want a relationship. If you know me well at all, this might be a bit of a surprise. I’m typically one to keep to myself and not pursue any sort of commitments that don’t revolve around my career so yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. That’s not to say that I’ve met anyone that made me change my mind…actually, I wish that was the case. Instead, it’s the the desire to meet someone that will make me want to change my mind about a few things.
It’s tough to meet people out here. People get so upset with me when I say that - as if their anger could potentially change my situation? Yeah, I want to meet people but I don’t want to meet just ANYONE. I don’t want to have one of those conversations that make me want to hang myself. Trust me, I have plenty of those and I’m getting a little sick of them. I just want to connect with someone, anyone. It’s getting tough out here without that personal connection.
It really is a new year. I’ve severed all communication with so many people that it feels…weird? I’m not sure if that covers it properly or not. Nevertheless, I’m in a pretty severe isolation mode right now and I want nothing more than to break out of it.
I need to get out and explore. Any ideas of what I can do to meet people that can have a decent conversation?
