Art of Growing Old

I had originally planned on writing about Blue Like Jazz in its entirety but I’ve finally come to realize that it just isn’t something that I can do. I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around my thoughts and feelings about my latest read and, well, it’s not something that can be wrapped up in a single entry. It’s a continuing process of change and understanding. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I barely took the first step today.

I think I’ll randomly take excerpts from chapters and explain how they’ve affected me. My dad is the one that recommended I read this – in fact, he bought a copy and had it shipped to me so I kind of felt obligated to read it. You see, him and I have both struggled with the modern-day church (a topic I ranted about some time ago). He told me that this book helped him wrap his head around a lot of his issues and thought that it could be of help to me as well.

I reluctantly opened to the first page and began my search for something that pissed me off. This is something I always do when I’m not exactly “excited” to do it. The first chapter was void of any of my pet peeves so I decided that I would give it a shot (and by “give it a shot”, I meant continue my search in chapter two).

“I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit. I grew up going to church, so I got used to hearing about God.”

The author had me with this one. “It was an interesting way to open the second chapter”, I thought to myself. “No, that’s not it”, I mumbled as I continued to figure out why this statement was so captivating. It happened to be a combination of a couple of things. I’ve lowered my view of my fellow “believers”, if you will, to such a point that I almost find it amazing when they say something that truly moves me. It’s the repetitive and blinding routines that seem to suck away all traces of intellectual thoughts. This one was even more interesting to me as it’s something that I had been thinking for quite some time. It was one of those issues I had that I just couldn’t put my finger on: there really can be something WRONG with being that religious.

In this chapter alone, he began to bring the concepts of Christianity to a level of humility that I could actually relate with him. Taking a very neutral stance from his faith, he very calmly and clearly stated that there is something wrong with our image and practices.  He apologized for the wrongs that I firmly believe 99% of all Christians are guilty of and convinced me that he had something genuinely interesting to say. He didn’t sound like he was writing this as a preacher and he sure as hell didn’t sound like he grew up in a temple. Instead, there was dialog that happened in every day places over current events, and broke the taboos that infuriate me.

I was officially hooked after the second chapter. I wanted to hear more from this man that clearly knew things that I didn’t. He had managed to find a way to accept his faith and not throw away his mind or his happiness. Not only that, but he still managed to present himself as someone that I would love to have a deep conversation with over coffee and not someone that I would never want to be seen with in public.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’ll leave you with the words from that back cover of the book:

“For anyone wondering if the Christian faith is still relevant in a
post-modern culture,
For anyone thirsting for a genuine encounter with a God who is real,
For anyone yearning for a renewed sense of passion in life…”

I’m about 55% unpacked and it’s starting to feel great! I spent the majority of this afternoon moving things out of storage and starting to decorate. It’s coming together and looking pretty good if I do say so myself. I’ll be posting pictures soon.

This free time thing is pretty…foreign? Yes, foreign is the word I’m looking fo. I don’t know what to do with myself! It’s nice to have some time to sit down and just…think. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to unplug during the week.

I can’t promise that I’ll be back with the typical Josh-flare in my writings. I think that majority of my inspirational writing occurs when I’m in the middle of some sort of existential funk. However, with that being said, I think I’m finally starting to understand where I am and how I got out of that “funk”. Perhaps I’ll start writing about that…

Anyway, I’ll be back with entries over the next couple of weeks. Hope to see you around ;).

Most of you know that I’m quite the workaholic. I enjoy spending my time in front of a computer when it involves learning something new, pushing the envelope, and working on a project that I genuinely find interesting. You must also know that before this project, I’ve never had the privilege of working on a project like this for work. Instead, I would find projects to work on with friends outside of work that would engage me. So what happens when my job is to work on a project that I find interesting?

In short: I disappear for weeks at a time.

It’s been a rough past few weeks. That’s not to say that I haven’t enjoyed every minute of this experience, but the overall fact remains that this immediate switch has taken its toll on me. It’s been a true test of my abilities to see this project come together — and we’re still only roughly 70% complete. If you asked me what I expected to be doing when I first started here, I would have never guessed I’d be managing and leading the development of a project from scratch.

I’ve expanded my knowledge of so much these past few weeks and I have every intention of sharing what I have learned. I’m in the process of moving http://blogs.rev-net.com over to the server hosting this blog, and I will begin my technical blog at http://blogs.rev-net.com/jmarnold (along with Dave’s at http://blogs.rev-net.com/ddewinter).

In the meantime, if you haven’t heard from me too much in the past month or so it’s not that I don’t love you ;). I promise, I’m trying to get into the habit of allocating at least half an hour to writing everyday.

I’ll be back soon!

So, earlier this year, my friend Jason had a brilliant idea. There was tons of hype in the development community around Google’s android platform. Being the genius mastermind that Jason is, he began working on an idea to combine the aspects social networking, location-based services, and his love for mobile development. Not long after some brainstorming sessions, I found myself opening up Eclipse and working with him to develop and consume our REST service.

There were long days and there were tons of hours thrown into this project. Not only were we staring at a rough deadline with only two developers (that have full-time jobs), I moved to Austin in the middle of it! It’s also worth noting that when it comes to location-based services, EVERYBODY wants in. We saw competing projects popping up every single day. Despite the competition, we rest assured that our core idea was solid and more suitable for the general public than the services being developed. We kept moving forward.

We didn’t quite finish everything that we hoped to accomplish in time but we still made a LOT of progress and turned it in time. I don’t know what kind of competition we’re up against but I guarantee you, we’ll give them a run for their money ;).

It’s taken me a little bit longer than I had planned to get back to blogging. Even with all the supposed “down time”, it feels like life has been moving at a 1000 miles per hour this past two weeks or so. Moving halfway across the country has the tendency to do that to you, I suppose. Nevertheless, I am back and I’ll start with a brief summary of what’s been happening with me.

Not too long ago, an opportunity presented itself. It would be risky and it would be stressful; but above all else, it felt like it would be worth it. After exhaustively discussing the situation with my family and quite a few of my close friends, I accepted an offer in Austin and put in my two weeks notice. I was “excused” from work two days after giving notice and had some down time to work on side projects and get ready for the big move. Needless to say, I spent more time on the side projects…

My friend Ben was kind enough to join me on my adventure across the country. We left at roughly 2:00am on March 20 and after two LONG days of driving/sleeping/and being completely disoriented, we found ourselves in Austin that Saturday night. I made a last minute decision to take my car out here so we followed each other the entire way. Word of advice? Don’t ever do that. Also, walkie talkies are the coolest invention. Ever.

So…I’m here in Austin, living with my friends Rex and Drew while I look for my own place, I’m part-managing and lead-developing my first project at work, and I am LOVING it. I’ll be posting regularly again and probably getting back into some more insightful and creative writing. It’s late and I need to get some rest but figured I’d get in a quick update.

We’re in Montgomery, Alabama and getting ready to hit that final stretch to Austin. Last night was pretty rough, but mostly because we were running off of pretty much no sleep. We got some good rest today so we should be fine until tomorrow morning.

Austin here we come ;).
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

It was never something that I could quite put into words. I desperately grasped for words that were suitable placeholders for the thoughts and emotions. I may never have come close to capturing it, but the search inspired a wide variety of ramblings. Perhaps I was too naive to see it; maybe it was my immaturity that prevented me from understanding it. Whatever the case may be, the curtains have been drawn this evening.

The better explanation may be that I knew what would happen if I truly understood that I was never really chasing anything. To be more specific, I was chasing a void that I had warped and twisted into my blinding definition of reality, of existence, and the universe itself.

If you imagined it as a string, it would be the one that thing linked me to so many of the people that I know. It would be my one link to forgotten memories and sensations that I quickly outgrew so many years ago. No, it was much more than this. It was more than a link to this “missed childhood” that I tend to speak so negatively of, but have never truly regretted for an instant. It was my escape from the pressures of adulthood that I, despite my maturity, was never truly ready for.

The conclusion from a glance into my recent reflection: I’m reforming my reason for writing. I once considered myself as observant; I had lost that until very recently.

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It really feels like everything is falling into place for one big moment. For those of you who don’t already know, I am moving to Austin this week. There are many reasons for this departure and every one of them feels right. It’s not impulsive and I’m not running away.I’ll be updating on a regular basis again and I’m sure they’ll be another cover coming soon. I have a burning desire to make one of Limousine…maybe that’ll surface soon.

It’s an interesting thing to come face to face with reality. The ridiculous part about it is that you thought you were staring at it the entire time. Sometimes it’s like waking from a night of perfect sleep. Other times it’s like getting hit with a semi-truck. The situation at hand, sadly, is the latter. It’s the foundation of a suite of daydreams and the final touches on the worst nightmare you’ll have in years. Regardless of the circumstances, I believe every one of you has experienced exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the realization that your world is upside down and even though you think you saw it coming, you never knew how drastic it would be. We learn, we grow, and we adapt but it doesn’t take away from the profoundness of the moment.

It’s like I was looking in the buildings for my reflection. I was waiting for that moment where you see yourself in a whole new light and everything changes from your side. I was privileged enough to feel it from both ends this time around. I saw my reflection in the beauty of the skyline. There’s something about unplanned travel that gets me. It’s one thing to plan your getaway to some foreign land, but it can be equally as invigorating to have a day to pack before hitting the streets of NYC and finding yourself wandering Times Square.

It was the quite an experience and, even though it could have been better, it was exactly what I needed. City lights get me every time. Soon I’ll be staring at the lights of Tokyo again. Until then, however, I’m content with where I am.

Enjoy some pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/MyNewYorkAdventure

My pipe dreams are seeming more and more worth fighting for.

Call it a loss of control…or maybe it’s a birth of freedom? To be honest, I’m not sure it matters what you call it. What truly matters is that this year is changing everything for me, just like I knew it would. It’s my year of adventures. My year to take the steps I’ve always been afraid to take. It’s my year to truly define myself.

For starters, I’m taking a plunge and heading to New York this weekend. Random? You have no idea… I’m terrified but imagine the adventure! I have no idea what I’m in store for and that’s alright with me. I’m finally taking some risks in my life and God, it feels better than I thought it would.

“It’s phoenix for peanuts”.

That phrase pushed me through high school. It found it’s way into the ears of so many during graduation speeches and it’s transformed in meaning more often than anything I’ve ever known. It will never be the corny phrase that was simply a phase - at least, not to me. It was direction to my direction-less life. It was motivation to my lack thereof.

Today it’s freedom in a handbag. It’s the Brooklyn Bridge.
It’s the courage I’ve needed all this time.