Art of Growing Old

I’m currently untitled right now and loving the freedom.

Sometimes your freedom is the worst restriction. You have the entire world available at your fingertips but that freedom is overwhelming. Honestly, I can write about whatever I want and I have the time to do it. I have a cup of coffee in hand and I feel on top of the world. Yet somehow I’m afraid of what people might think if they stumble upon this entry. To some extent this is a good thing as it allows me to keep some consistency in the degrees of obscenities that might be found in these entries.

Still, I think that a certain level of mental self gratification is perfectly justifiable. I mean let’s face it, sometimes it’s our only escape, right?

I change my mind so frequently that I’m dangerous. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’d like to say that it’s very deep and introspective thoughts but I’m not so sure that it has and for once, I’m ok with that. I think I get so wrapped up in this side of me that I forget to have fun sometimes. I’m getting really sick of that - and many other habits of mine.

It’s the weather here that has me going insane. It’s Christmas! Why the hell is it 70 degrees outside? When I see Christmas lights, the LAST thing I want to see is some guy running around without a shirt and in shorts. I mean, seriously, come on. It’s supposed to be the “cuddle up near a fire with hot chocolate” weather. The romanticism of the season is lost when I see a running man’s nipples and man-thighs, sorry.

How can you sing about dashing in the snow when the humidity is 84%? I love the holidays. I don’t like them to be ruined by the scorching sun or the ridiculous moisture that randomly collects on my windshield - or any surface for that matter (yes, that includes your skin). Hey, good news is that lotion and chapstick aren’t required here.

Ok, ok, I shouldn’t be complaining this time of year. It’s a new experience, that’s all. I’m looking forward to going home to see my friends and enjoy the cold weather that’s natural to this time of year. We’ll play games, make tons more hilarious memories, talk over coffee, and share the love we’ve known for years.

10 days and counting.

So I’ve decided that I’m basically in love with…well, ok, I’m in love with a lot of things. However, the two more dominant things lately are Christmas lights and coffee. Coffee has always been a love of mine ever since…well, I’m not sure that I can actually remember a time when it wasn’t. Christmas lights have become a favorite of mine over the past few years. Now when you combine these two I am in HEAVEN. Incidentally, I’m at a coffee shop drinking coffee and gazing at all the lights around me.

It’s not just any set of Christmas lights. No, that would be crazy. I’m infatuated with plain clear Christmas lights. Call me crazy but I think they’re the most beautiful just by themselves. I’m missing the lights of downtown Salt Lake City right now. I could die happy on those streets this time of year.

Reality is such a hard thing to capture anymore, you know? I think we’re so spoiled and confused on our perception of art and beauty that it’s hard to express yourself without a hint of what everyone is expecting. I don’t mind most of their expectations. In fact, I share most of them. My problem is that people forget how connected everything really is.

We use the term art so loosely yet we’re so quick to judge what’s good and what’s bad. Everything we do boils down to creativity and methodology. Perhaps you’re a skilled painter - you’re an artist and no one will argue this. A musician is just as equally an artist. Why do we draw the line on what qualifies as a form of expression?

These lines of distinction are the cause of so many problems. It’s what prevents us from understanding each other on levels that I wish we could. Your ability to paint should be equally as respected as my ability to write software. My ability requires me to be creative and methodical. I express myself through creative patterns and yet I am not an artist. I’m a ‘geek’ and, as such, the natural borders are formed around your ability to understand me - before I even speak. Your preconceived notions of our differences are what make them a reality.

It’s a mixture of many things - as everything always is. Perhaps it should be a common courtesy for you to reach for an understanding of what I do. After all, we have to try our best to understand what it is that you want. Is it not fair for us to expect at least a little effort in return? Sometimes our differences make us forget that we’re working towards a common goal and we begin to treat each other with such disrespect that it’s disheartening. This wasn’t brought up by a particular situation. Instead, it’s a mixture of experiences over several years.

I think we’re all at fault. Too often we replace the person with the title and treat them as such. Maybe it’s the holidays that are making me realize it but I’m not sure that it matters, does it?

It’s just another thing that needs to be fixed.