Art of Growing Old

Life has been slightly unbalanced lately. Well, maybe “unbalanced” isn’t exactly the right word…perhaps consistent is the term I’m searching for. I’m desperately trying to force myself into more of a routine and I’m getting closer.

My work on the RiderRally project is becoming more intense lately as we ramp up for our next release in late October. I’m working very heavily with location-based information (hence the title of the entry) which has been pretty fun and challenging. I’ll be posting some of the specifics of this in my technical blog.

I’ve been working on several initiatives at works from Professional Development to Internal Framework Development. I’ve been pushing to incorporate training courses in a variety of technologies/skills,  more diverse standards in documentation, and reusable code-bases for the company. Somehow, in the middle of all of this, I’ve also been finding time to consult on other projects, conference calls, and to be the “go-to” guy for any technical interviews. Needless to say, it’s been a little crazy lately.

Despite the workload, my schedule tends to work itself out quite well and I have plenty of free time. I’ve been working in time to go to the gym and general down-time as well. I just need to get more of a structured routine so I can feel a little better about everything. I feel like I’m living in chaos if I don’t have at least SOME continuity in my day.

I had planned to write a little about my thoughts after reading Blue Like Jazz but I’ll save for that for my next entry. Time to watch Wicker Park and head to bed.

Love to All,
Josh

Humidity is a pain in the ass. There’s really no way around that fact for me. I’ve come to find that I’m helpless against this anomaly. Water in the air? I grew up in a desert, come on. Obviously I knew about this before I chose to move here but, as most of you know, that’s not enough to stop me from complaining about it.

I’ve been on quite the Neutral Milk Hotel kick lately. From Holland, 1945 to Two Headed Boy, I’m quite infatuated with their lyrics. Granted, their vocal styles aren’t for everybody but the lyrics are incredible. I started off being obsessed with Jesse Lacey’s covers and now I’m enjoying the original tracks themselves. If you haven’t experienced them, I highly recommend:

• Holland, 1945 (the original as well as the cover by Canoe)
• Two Headed Boy Pt. 2 (the original as well as Jesse’s cover)
• Oh Comely (the original as well as Jesse’s cover)

I’ve also been spending most of my day listening to Steve Tannen’s latest album, Big Senorita. I highly recommend that one as well ;).

Work is still intense and it’s only going to become increasingly more stressful over the next few weeks. I knew what I was getting myself into starting this project so I can’t really complain about the situation right now; nor can I really wiggle myself out of it either. It’s the final stretch and there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, I’m looking forward to having a weekend off and being able to enjoy activities outside of work.

I’ve learned so much from this project. It’s pretty unbelievable when I think about what we’ve accomplished in the past two months. From architecture to management, I’ve really had to stretch my abilities and push the envelope for this project. It’s a complete 180 degree turn from my previous positions. There wasn’t enough to do in those positions to keep me busy for a day. Now I don’t have enough time in my day to do what I want/need!

It’s been a great project and I’m hoping that it becomes a success. I’ll be blogging more on what this success could mean for me (and what the project actually is) very soon. In the meantime, I’m going to get a little bit of sleep and get ready to finish up as much as I can tomorrow.

I’m keeping this post pretty short (it’s not becoming a habit, I promise). The project that I’m currently working on is reaching a ramp-up point and will require a lot more of my attention this week specifically.

How about YOU leave ME updates as comments for once? I’d love to know what’s happening with everyone that keeps up with me.

The long awaited announcement I’m sure: I’m becoming an active technical blogger. Don’t worry, I won’t be doing it here. I’ll effectively be doubling the amount of time I don’t have to devote to blogging. I’ll continue this one just as it is and will be talking about my other life here:

http://blogs.rev-net.com/jmarnold

For you geeks out there, please stop by! Meanwhile, check back tonight for an update on my personal life.

Most of you know that I’m quite the workaholic. I enjoy spending my time in front of a computer when it involves learning something new, pushing the envelope, and working on a project that I genuinely find interesting. You must also know that before this project, I’ve never had the privilege of working on a project like this for work. Instead, I would find projects to work on with friends outside of work that would engage me. So what happens when my job is to work on a project that I find interesting?

In short: I disappear for weeks at a time.

It’s been a rough past few weeks. That’s not to say that I haven’t enjoyed every minute of this experience, but the overall fact remains that this immediate switch has taken its toll on me. It’s been a true test of my abilities to see this project come together — and we’re still only roughly 70% complete. If you asked me what I expected to be doing when I first started here, I would have never guessed I’d be managing and leading the development of a project from scratch.

I’ve expanded my knowledge of so much these past few weeks and I have every intention of sharing what I have learned. I’m in the process of moving http://blogs.rev-net.com over to the server hosting this blog, and I will begin my technical blog at http://blogs.rev-net.com/jmarnold (along with Dave’s at http://blogs.rev-net.com/ddewinter).

In the meantime, if you haven’t heard from me too much in the past month or so it’s not that I don’t love you ;). I promise, I’m trying to get into the habit of allocating at least half an hour to writing everyday.

I’ll be back soon!

I’ve rediscovered my love of ATB this week. Depending on my mood, I find that particular genres of music can be horribly distracting for me. I either spend too much time focusing on the lyrics or I get wrapped up in some nostalgic moment as I reminisce over the first time I heard the song. When I’m listening to ATB, there’s barely anything on my mind save for the task at hand. I’ve seen a spike in my productivity at work since I transitioned back to trance/house for work music.

My life has changed so drastically this year that it’s hard to keep up. That’s not a complaint by any means. In fact, this is the first time I’ve been truly happy with my position since Neumont. I’ve been given an unexpected amount of authority on this project and while it’s certainly intimidating, I am loving every second of it. Contracts are still being worked out but I hope to be able to give some information about it before our launch date. Either way, I’ll post the live address on June 1st for all to see.

I have some inspiration today to write something creative so please forgive this random post. I thought I’d get some brief updates in before I get some work done today. I’ll be writing something more interesting sometime tonight.

It’s taken me a little bit longer than I had planned to get back to blogging. Even with all the supposed “down time”, it feels like life has been moving at a 1000 miles per hour this past two weeks or so. Moving halfway across the country has the tendency to do that to you, I suppose. Nevertheless, I am back and I’ll start with a brief summary of what’s been happening with me.

Not too long ago, an opportunity presented itself. It would be risky and it would be stressful; but above all else, it felt like it would be worth it. After exhaustively discussing the situation with my family and quite a few of my close friends, I accepted an offer in Austin and put in my two weeks notice. I was “excused” from work two days after giving notice and had some down time to work on side projects and get ready for the big move. Needless to say, I spent more time on the side projects…

My friend Ben was kind enough to join me on my adventure across the country. We left at roughly 2:00am on March 20 and after two LONG days of driving/sleeping/and being completely disoriented, we found ourselves in Austin that Saturday night. I made a last minute decision to take my car out here so we followed each other the entire way. Word of advice? Don’t ever do that. Also, walkie talkies are the coolest invention. Ever.

So…I’m here in Austin, living with my friends Rex and Drew while I look for my own place, I’m part-managing and lead-developing my first project at work, and I am LOVING it. I’ll be posting regularly again and probably getting back into some more insightful and creative writing. It’s late and I need to get some rest but figured I’d get in a quick update.

It was never something that I could quite put into words. I desperately grasped for words that were suitable placeholders for the thoughts and emotions. I may never have come close to capturing it, but the search inspired a wide variety of ramblings. Perhaps I was too naive to see it; maybe it was my immaturity that prevented me from understanding it. Whatever the case may be, the curtains have been drawn this evening.

The better explanation may be that I knew what would happen if I truly understood that I was never really chasing anything. To be more specific, I was chasing a void that I had warped and twisted into my blinding definition of reality, of existence, and the universe itself.

If you imagined it as a string, it would be the one that thing linked me to so many of the people that I know. It would be my one link to forgotten memories and sensations that I quickly outgrew so many years ago. No, it was much more than this. It was more than a link to this “missed childhood” that I tend to speak so negatively of, but have never truly regretted for an instant. It was my escape from the pressures of adulthood that I, despite my maturity, was never truly ready for.

The conclusion from a glance into my recent reflection: I’m reforming my reason for writing. I once considered myself as observant; I had lost that until very recently.

---

It really feels like everything is falling into place for one big moment. For those of you who don’t already know, I am moving to Austin this week. There are many reasons for this departure and every one of them feels right. It’s not impulsive and I’m not running away.I’ll be updating on a regular basis again and I’m sure they’ll be another cover coming soon. I have a burning desire to make one of Limousine…maybe that’ll surface soon.

All horribleness aside, I am humbled today. I’ll save a templated “here’s what happened” email to send to those who are interested as I would prefer not to discuss it in an entry.

Humbled really is the perfect word as these events have made me realize just how easy it is to make a mistake. I often forget how much ground you need to cover to make sure you never slip up. More importantly, I forget that it’s impossible. It was just a blinding realization that everything you’ve worked for can be taken from you in a matter of seconds. It’s helping me re-prioritize my life a little, to say the least.

There’s too many thoughts floating through my head to make another pseudo-coherent paragraph. I wish you well and hope that your day was better than and as enlightening as mine.

Well, here I am. It’s 10:30 in the morning and I can safely say that I won’t have another thing to do for the rest of the day. You’ll forgive me if I’m not terribly energetic, won’t you?

This is how I got here. This morning I finally realized that I’ve been pushing against a brick wall while my dreams were crossing the horizon. I packed my life into numbered boxes, for what? I left everyone I know and traveled across the country only to wake up this morning and realize how lonely I really am.

I was stuck in every possible way. I worked with people much older than me and by the time I got home, all I wanted to do was stay in my comfort zone. Episodes of Scrubs and The Office were playing constantly and I would spend my time calling up my family and close friends. Another week would go by and I would hardly notice. I hardly remember September.

This is wrong and I know it. This is not the person that I want to be and this is not the career that I have worked so hard for. I’ve spent countless hours studying, practicing, and pushing myself to master the material. I certainly didn’t learn the skills to sit here and not use them.

---

I sat there for the majority of the day. I can’t quite explain everything that went through my head. In fact, I think my mind went blank for at least half of it. It’s a little hard to remember the devastation anymore - we tend to put such awful thoughts and feelings behind us, you know?Eventually, I updated my resume and threw it up to let the headhunters have a field day. It was a painful waiting process, that’s for sure. Call after call from people that had absolutely no idea what they were talking about - they amuse me the most. They get so comfortable stating the requirements that you can feel the confidence they have on their tongues but the second you ask a non-rehearsed question, it’s all gone.

After a couple of days worth of this amusement, I was more annoyed than anything. I had ignored the last five or six calls and just happened to pick up and then it happened. FINALLY, a .NET position. No php, mysql, java, or any of the other technologies that don’t really excite me.

The rest is trivial in comparison, really.  I had completely lost my identity and it took me months to realize it. There was more to it than regaining the identity I once had. My perspective completely changed in the process. I learned the importance of a lack of formality. More importantly, I’ve lightened up.

I mean, come on, I’m only 21 years old.

Live a little.