Art of Growing Old

Obvious statement of the evening:

It’s a long and very intensive process to ensure that we end up with what we really need.

I originally thought that I was going to write about what I was working on this evening. Well, it’s actually what I’ve been working on for the past few months. It’s just truly amazing how long it takes to really get anything done.

We’re working on some exciting new features and working with a lot of exciting technologies. Sometimes it’s just frustrating how much of the leg work needs to get done before I can actually start doing the FUN stuff. It’s getting there but it’ll be about another week until I can get there.

This week is going to be a busy one. I doubt that I’ll get much time to write until next week (not unlike last week although last week I had time and just couldn’t find anything truly interesting to write about). I’ll be working with the exciting technologies and might have some things to show by then as well.

I finished the book I wrote about last time: Blue Like Jazz.
I’ll be writing about that very soon as well as some of the open mics I’ll be visiting soon.

Love to All,
Josh

I’ve rediscovered my love of ATB this week. Depending on my mood, I find that particular genres of music can be horribly distracting for me. I either spend too much time focusing on the lyrics or I get wrapped up in some nostalgic moment as I reminisce over the first time I heard the song. When I’m listening to ATB, there’s barely anything on my mind save for the task at hand. I’ve seen a spike in my productivity at work since I transitioned back to trance/house for work music.

My life has changed so drastically this year that it’s hard to keep up. That’s not a complaint by any means. In fact, this is the first time I’ve been truly happy with my position since Neumont. I’ve been given an unexpected amount of authority on this project and while it’s certainly intimidating, I am loving every second of it. Contracts are still being worked out but I hope to be able to give some information about it before our launch date. Either way, I’ll post the live address on June 1st for all to see.

I have some inspiration today to write something creative so please forgive this random post. I thought I’d get some brief updates in before I get some work done today. I’ll be writing something more interesting sometime tonight.

It was never something that I could quite put into words. I desperately grasped for words that were suitable placeholders for the thoughts and emotions. I may never have come close to capturing it, but the search inspired a wide variety of ramblings. Perhaps I was too naive to see it; maybe it was my immaturity that prevented me from understanding it. Whatever the case may be, the curtains have been drawn this evening.

The better explanation may be that I knew what would happen if I truly understood that I was never really chasing anything. To be more specific, I was chasing a void that I had warped and twisted into my blinding definition of reality, of existence, and the universe itself.

If you imagined it as a string, it would be the one that thing linked me to so many of the people that I know. It would be my one link to forgotten memories and sensations that I quickly outgrew so many years ago. No, it was much more than this. It was more than a link to this “missed childhood” that I tend to speak so negatively of, but have never truly regretted for an instant. It was my escape from the pressures of adulthood that I, despite my maturity, was never truly ready for.

The conclusion from a glance into my recent reflection: I’m reforming my reason for writing. I once considered myself as observant; I had lost that until very recently.

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It really feels like everything is falling into place for one big moment. For those of you who don’t already know, I am moving to Austin this week. There are many reasons for this departure and every one of them feels right. It’s not impulsive and I’m not running away.I’ll be updating on a regular basis again and I’m sure they’ll be another cover coming soon. I have a burning desire to make one of Limousine…maybe that’ll surface soon.

I was almost gearing up for an entry a day situation but I didn’t exactly get a chance to write one last night…

So, this morning I woke up bright and early: 3:23am. I have absolute no idea why I woke up and I definitely can’t figure out why I wasn’t able to get to sleep afterwards. At least I had a fairly productive morning and I’ve been able to relax for a few hours before going to work. I still have a little over an hour actually.

I feel like having a great conversation. Unfortunately, everyone here (coffee shop) is talking on their headsets or actively participating in their own discussions. I have this craving to debate over issues that really matter to me. Whether it be politics, religion, technology, I don’t really care what the topic is. I just get so bored of small talk and the various other forms of b.s. you get everyday.

I miss getting passionate about design patterns and trying to force them on Ryan, ha ha. I miss the various discussions I’d have with Dave and how I would learn something new every time - even if it started with me explaining something to him. I miss the random thoughts that Rex and I would write on the huge white board and all of the miscellaneous projects we would start but never quite finish. I swear, I wish we all worked together. The possibilities really would be endless.

Even the small talk wasn’t bad at Neumont. We didn’t always have to be talking about something too intense. I had a great group of close friends and we got to watch each other grow in our skill sets and excel in the things we’re passionate about. It was really was the greatest two years of my life. I just wish it didn’t go by so fast.

I’m noticing that it might be one of those experiences that no one else can understand. Our way of thinking is so different than everyone else I’ve encountered. It’s hard to explain my experience in segments because I honestly believe that everything I learned is connected. It’s hard to explain taking XML with Matt Curland without jumping into how it helped me in NORMA. It’s hard to talk about NORMA without having to explain ORM…and the cycle continues forever.

I miss it all. That’s not to say that I’m not happy where I am, quite the contrary actually. I’m just realizing that I keep looking for what I had. More importantly, I’m realizing that I’m not going to find it. That’s ok, though.

It’s just all the more reason to bring us back together.