Art of Growing Old

I had originally planned on writing about Blue Like Jazz in its entirety but I’ve finally come to realize that it just isn’t something that I can do. I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around my thoughts and feelings about my latest read and, well, it’s not something that can be wrapped up in a single entry. It’s a continuing process of change and understanding. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I barely took the first step today.

I think I’ll randomly take excerpts from chapters and explain how they’ve affected me. My dad is the one that recommended I read this – in fact, he bought a copy and had it shipped to me so I kind of felt obligated to read it. You see, him and I have both struggled with the modern-day church (a topic I ranted about some time ago). He told me that this book helped him wrap his head around a lot of his issues and thought that it could be of help to me as well.

I reluctantly opened to the first page and began my search for something that pissed me off. This is something I always do when I’m not exactly “excited” to do it. The first chapter was void of any of my pet peeves so I decided that I would give it a shot (and by “give it a shot”, I meant continue my search in chapter two).

“I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit. I grew up going to church, so I got used to hearing about God.”

The author had me with this one. “It was an interesting way to open the second chapter”, I thought to myself. “No, that’s not it”, I mumbled as I continued to figure out why this statement was so captivating. It happened to be a combination of a couple of things. I’ve lowered my view of my fellow “believers”, if you will, to such a point that I almost find it amazing when they say something that truly moves me. It’s the repetitive and blinding routines that seem to suck away all traces of intellectual thoughts. This one was even more interesting to me as it’s something that I had been thinking for quite some time. It was one of those issues I had that I just couldn’t put my finger on: there really can be something WRONG with being that religious.

In this chapter alone, he began to bring the concepts of Christianity to a level of humility that I could actually relate with him. Taking a very neutral stance from his faith, he very calmly and clearly stated that there is something wrong with our image and practices.  He apologized for the wrongs that I firmly believe 99% of all Christians are guilty of and convinced me that he had something genuinely interesting to say. He didn’t sound like he was writing this as a preacher and he sure as hell didn’t sound like he grew up in a temple. Instead, there was dialog that happened in every day places over current events, and broke the taboos that infuriate me.

I was officially hooked after the second chapter. I wanted to hear more from this man that clearly knew things that I didn’t. He had managed to find a way to accept his faith and not throw away his mind or his happiness. Not only that, but he still managed to present himself as someone that I would love to have a deep conversation with over coffee and not someone that I would never want to be seen with in public.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’ll leave you with the words from that back cover of the book:

“For anyone wondering if the Christian faith is still relevant in a
post-modern culture,
For anyone thirsting for a genuine encounter with a God who is real,
For anyone yearning for a renewed sense of passion in life…”

It’s amazing what drives every single action you take each day. Whether it be taking the time to make your lunch for the day or deciding you’ll “order something healthy” they spiral their way back into your mind as you wind down at night. Sometimes they don’t hit you until the day after but they’ll always make their way back. Hell, I’m still wondering about my decision to stay home sick back in 8th grade.

This chain of events is obviously closed tied with your memories. My memories are almost always tangled with incomprehensible lingering emotions that are spontaneously triggered through music. The right key will transport me over oceans and years and bombard me with emotions that are just as confusing now as they were back then.

Perhaps I’ll find the key to take me to a place where my beliefs held their ground and I stood for something bigger than me and my heart and mind longed for more than the things of this world. I’m facing myself this weekend and realizing why it is that I don’t do this more often.

Do you ever wonder what happened to that person you always imagined yourself growing into? I’d like to meet him someday. Maybe he’d have a broader spectrum of knowledge and have a more active role in promoting the ideals that I tend to keep hidden. I’d like to think that we could be friends. We could sit down over coffee and he could tell me the things that I’m so obviously lacking but can’t ever quite pinpoint. It’d be an enlightening conversation I’m sure.

I’ve been reading a fascinating book today called Blue Like Jazz. The most clever description I’ve come across for it is: “Nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality”. It might just be the only christian book that I’ve truly enjoyed since…well, EVER. I’m only half-way through but I’m sure I’ll finish it up soon enough and have plenty to discuss. In the meantime, I’ll continue to make time away from the office and away from my career. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually go on a date soon? Assuming I can find someone that is…

For the past couple of years I’ve made some interesting shifts in my religious views. Most notably, I made a drastic shift from the bible-pushing/right-wing/conservative arena and began flirting with a more progressive/liberal agenda. It’s interesting to see what has come of two years of this game of cat and mouse.

I believe it began when this new fad of the pseudo-intellectual bashing of religion began sweeping the hearts of my generation. It went from the ever-so-popular “YOU’RE A REPUBLICAN??”, gradually moved to “you believe in God??”, and then began making its way to a more harsh “You’re a $#!@%ing christian??”. Essentially, we’ve integrated the hatred of conflicting political views with years of conflicting religious views.

What’s interesting to me is that I specifically fled from the “right-wing”-religious standpoint for ONE specific reason: while I ultimately believe in sharing my faith, I strongly disagree with shoving it down one’s throat and pressing the issue when it’s clearly not welcomed. Let’s face it though: at some point you draw the line, right? Boiling it down: I believe that what I believe is right. I do my best to keep an open mind to other religions (those of you that know me can attest to this) however, at some point I have to make that attempt to have you share my views. If you don’t agree with me, part of me will be disappointed but that won’t hurt our friendship. I’m also not going to tell you that “you’re going to hell” and begin cursing you…

What’s even MORE interesting to me is that the opposite field has came across the same problem (admittedly I am using some serious stereotypes here). We are no longer are able to hold logical and diplomatic conversations. Rather than shoving Christianity down someone’s throat, I see the opposite. No efforts are taken to understand either viewpoint, instead it’s black and white, no gray area in sight.

People often wonder why my particular religious views seem different than most “Christians”. Here’s a few things I have chosen to believe that I find of importance:

1. You do not have to throw away your intelligence at the door (a.k.a.: You can be an Intellectual Christian)
2. While other religions may hold conflicting viewpoints, we can learn from everything (taoist viewpoints in exercising are not the work of the devil…)
3. Listening to “Secular” music does not condemn you to hell (Can you believe people think this?)
4. Religious multimedia currently SUCKS
   1. This one might need clarification…have you ever listened to Christian music or watched a religious video? Did you die inside while you did? That’s my point…
5. You can use witty remarks without going to hell
6. You can BE PROGRESSIVE

I swear, the ignorance and lack of decorum of “the church” frustrates me enough to make it difficult for me to attend. I think it’s the naivety that gets me. It’s the Christian-camp, home-schooled, never spoken to a real person kids that kill me the most. Seriously, if you expect to actually talk to someone…what the HELL are you going to talk about? How many grasshoppers you caught the last time you were at Camp Maplewood and the latest hymnal that you sang along to? If you can’t put enough effort into waking yourself up and existing in the real world vs. your perfect religious bubble then you’re never going to get anywhere. I’m sorry, even as a Christian, I would find it difficult to converse with you.

So many “taboos” have been put in place by people before us and they’re adhered to without question. Perhaps because one of them happens to be “don’t ask questions”? Seriously, do you really wonder why you’re called BLIND? I wonder what most of you would think of a “men’s fellowship” night where a bunch of guys got together and hung out watching a football game and drinking a couple of beers. I beg of you to tell me ONE thing that’s biblically wrong with this notion. How about a “youth group” outing where they attended a non-Christian event? Oh how your boats would be rocked by these ideas…

Show me ONE church that lets me not only think these thoughts but VOICE them and you’ll have my weekly attendance (if not more). Until then, I’m sick of searching for churches. You invite me in, don’t even acknowledge me, and expect me to conform to your narrow-minded ways of thinking. It’s not happening.

I stand for a progressive movement within the Christian world and I’ll gladly do it alone for now.