Joshua Arnold

I used to really care about being social. Actually, it’d probably be more accurate to say that I used to really care about making it seem like I tried to be social. Lately I’ve been learning to kind of embrace a lot of my quirks and stop trying so hard. I probably try to “redefine myself” on a daily basis but this time I think I’m on to something…

We’ve been working on the social.proace project at work and it’s finally starting to take off. It’s funny, no matter how cliche it is, every initiative we make always follows that damn hype cycle:

Hype Cycle

(source: Wikipedia)

I’d like to think we’re at that lovely plateau, but I think we’re more into that slope of enlightment. There are some bugs to work out with our twitter integration and of course the random bugs here and there, but I think it’s coming together pretty nicely. Then of course there’s the whole issue of having content…so I’m going to have to stop being lazy and start writing some technical posts.

It’s not quite ready to link to yet, but I’ll give you a little preview:

social.proace

OK, I had planned to make a long post but I’m exhausted. I’m going to throw on some Arrested Development and The Office and head to bed.

Technorati Tags: proace, random, self-growth, social media

It’s amazing what drives every single action you take each day. Whether it be taking the time to make your lunch for the day or deciding you’ll “order something healthy” they spiral their way back into your mind as you wind down at night. Sometimes they don’t hit you until the day after but they’ll always make their way back. Hell, I’m still wondering about my decision to stay home sick back in 8th grade.

This chain of events is obviously closed tied with your memories. My memories are almost always tangled with incomprehensible lingering emotions that are spontaneously triggered through music. The right key will transport me over oceans and years and bombard me with emotions that are just as confusing now as they were back then.

Perhaps I’ll find the key to take me to a place where my beliefs held their ground and I stood for something bigger than me and my heart and mind longed for more than the things of this world. I’m facing myself this weekend and realizing why it is that I don’t do this more often.

Do you ever wonder what happened to that person you always imagined yourself growing into? I’d like to meet him someday. Maybe he’d have a broader spectrum of knowledge and have a more active role in promoting the ideals that I tend to keep hidden. I’d like to think that we could be friends. We could sit down over coffee and he could tell me the things that I’m so obviously lacking but can’t ever quite pinpoint. It’d be an enlightening conversation I’m sure.

I’ve been reading a fascinating book today called Blue Like Jazz. The most clever description I’ve come across for it is: “Nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality”. It might just be the only christian book that I’ve truly enjoyed since…well, EVER. I’m only half-way through but I’m sure I’ll finish it up soon enough and have plenty to discuss. In the meantime, I’ll continue to make time away from the office and away from my career. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually go on a date soon? Assuming I can find someone that is…

Technorati Tags: good books, ramblings, random, religion, spirituality

It’s 2:46am and I cannot sleep for the life of me. I tried for about an hour and a half, while listening to classical music and staring at my ceiling, but there’s just too much on my mind.

I don’t have much to say tonight so I’ll just relax, watch some Scrubs, and program my heart out.

Technorati Tags: insomnia, ramblings, random, sideclicker

I can’t get to sleep tonight and I’m not even tired. I don’t really feel like I have anything good to say either, but I feel the need to write something. I always have something to say – it just might take a while to get it out of me.

I’ve decided that I might want a relationship. If you know me well at all, this might be a bit of a surprise. I’m typically one to keep to myself and not pursue any sort of commitments that don’t revolve around my career so yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. That’s not to say that I’ve met anyone that made me change my mind…actually, I wish that was the case. Instead, it’s the the desire to meet someone that will make me want to change my mind about a few things.

It’s tough to meet people out here. People get so upset with me when I say that – as if their anger could potentially change my situation? Yeah, I want to meet people but I don’t want to meet just ANYONE. I don’t want to have one of those conversations that make me want to hang myself. Trust me, I have plenty of those and I’m getting a little sick of them. I just want to connect with someone, anyone. It’s getting tough out here without that personal connection.

It really is a new year. I’ve severed all communication with so many people that it feels…weird? I’m not sure if that covers it properly or not. Nevertheless, I’m in a pretty severe isolation mode right now and I want nothing more than to break out of it.

I need to get out and explore. Any ideas of what I can do to meet people that can have a decent conversation?

Technorati Tags: blah, random, rants, slightly lost, weird

It’s an interesting thing to come face to face with reality. The ridiculous part about it is that you thought you were staring at it the entire time. Sometimes it’s like waking from a night of perfect sleep. Other times it’s like getting hit with a semi-truck. The situation at hand, sadly, is the latter. It’s the foundation of a suite of daydreams and the final touches on the worst nightmare you’ll have in years. Regardless of the circumstances, I believe every one of you has experienced exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the realization that your world is upside down and even though you think you saw it coming, you never knew how drastic it would be. We learn, we grow, and we adapt but it doesn’t take away from the profoundness of the moment.

It’s like I was looking in the buildings for my reflection. I was waiting for that moment where you see yourself in a whole new light and everything changes from your side. I was privileged enough to feel it from both ends this time around. I saw my reflection in the beauty of the skyline. There’s something about unplanned travel that gets me. It’s one thing to plan your getaway to some foreign land, but it can be equally as invigorating to have a day to pack before hitting the streets of NYC and finding yourself wandering Times Square.

It was the quite an experience and, even though it could have been better, it was exactly what I needed. City lights get me every time. Soon I’ll be staring at the lights of Tokyo again. Until then, however, I’m content with where I am.

Enjoy some pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/rnCodePoet/MyNewYorkAdventure

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, new york, random, self-learning, traveling

My pipe dreams are seeming more and more worth fighting for.

Call it a loss of control…or maybe it’s a birth of freedom? To be honest, I’m not sure it matters what you call it. What truly matters is that this year is changing everything for me, just like I knew it would. It’s my year of adventures. My year to take the steps I’ve always been afraid to take. It’s my year to truly define myself.

For starters, I’m taking a plunge and heading to New York this weekend. Random? You have no idea… I’m terrified but imagine the adventure! I have no idea what I’m in store for and that’s alright with me. I’m finally taking some risks in my life and God, it feels better than I thought it would.

“It’s phoenix for peanuts”.

That phrase pushed me through high school. It found it’s way into the ears of so many during graduation speeches and it’s transformed in meaning more often than anything I’ve ever known. It will never be the corny phrase that was simply a phase – at least, not to me. It was direction to my direction-less life. It was motivation to my lack thereof.

Today it’s freedom in a handbag. It’s the Brooklyn Bridge.
It’s the courage I’ve needed all this time.

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, cartel, new year, new york, random

I’m currently untitled right now and loving the freedom.

Sometimes your freedom is the worst restriction. You have the entire world available at your fingertips but that freedom is overwhelming. Honestly, I can write about whatever I want and I have the time to do it. I have a cup of coffee in hand and I feel on top of the world. Yet somehow I’m afraid of what people might think if they stumble upon this entry. To some extent this is a good thing as it allows me to keep some consistency in the degrees of obscenities that might be found in these entries.

Still, I think that a certain level of mental self gratification is perfectly justifiable. I mean let’s face it, sometimes it’s our only escape, right?

I change my mind so frequently that I’m dangerous. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’d like to say that it’s very deep and introspective thoughts but I’m not so sure that it has and for once, I’m ok with that. I think I get so wrapped up in this side of me that I forget to have fun sometimes. I’m getting really sick of that – and many other habits of mine.

It’s the weather here that has me going insane. It’s Christmas! Why the hell is it 70 degrees outside? When I see Christmas lights, the LAST thing I want to see is some guy running around without a shirt and in shorts. I mean, seriously, come on. It’s supposed to be the “cuddle up near a fire with hot chocolate” weather. The romanticism of the season is lost when I see a running man’s nipples and man-thighs, sorry.

How can you sing about dashing in the snow when the humidity is 84%? I love the holidays. I don’t like them to be ruined by the scorching sun or the ridiculous moisture that randomly collects on my windshield – or any surface for that matter (yes, that includes your skin). Hey, good news is that lotion and chapstick aren’t required here.

Ok, ok, I shouldn’t be complaining this time of year. It’s a new experience, that’s all. I’m looking forward to going home to see my friends and enjoy the cold weather that’s natural to this time of year. We’ll play games, make tons more hilarious memories, talk over coffee, and share the love we’ve known for years.

10 days and counting.

Technorati Tags: babbling, holidays, random

So I’ve decided that I’m basically in love with…well, ok, I’m in love with a lot of things. However, the two more dominant things lately are Christmas lights and coffee. Coffee has always been a love of mine ever since…well, I’m not sure that I can actually remember a time when it wasn’t. Christmas lights have become a favorite of mine over the past few years. Now when you combine these two I am in HEAVEN. Incidentally, I’m at a coffee shop drinking coffee and gazing at all the lights around me.

It’s not just any set of Christmas lights. No, that would be crazy. I’m infatuated with plain clear Christmas lights. Call me crazy but I think they’re the most beautiful just by themselves. I’m missing the lights of downtown Salt Lake City right now. I could die happy on those streets this time of year.

Reality is such a hard thing to capture anymore, you know? I think we’re so spoiled and confused on our perception of art and beauty that it’s hard to express yourself without a hint of what everyone is expecting. I don’t mind most of their expectations. In fact, I share most of them. My problem is that people forget how connected everything really is.

We use the term art so loosely yet we’re so quick to judge what’s good and what’s bad. Everything we do boils down to creativity and methodology. Perhaps you’re a skilled painter – you’re an artist and no one will argue this. A musician is just as equally an artist. Why do we draw the line on what qualifies as a form of expression?

These lines of distinction are the cause of so many problems. It’s what prevents us from understanding each other on levels that I wish we could. Your ability to paint should be equally as respected as my ability to write software. My ability requires me to be creative and methodical. I express myself through creative patterns and yet I am not an artist. I’m a ‘geek’ and, as such, the natural borders are formed around your ability to understand me – before I even speak. Your preconceived notions of our differences are what make them a reality.

It’s a mixture of many things – as everything always is. Perhaps it should be a common courtesy for you to reach for an understanding of what I do. After all, we have to try our best to understand what it is that you want. Is it not fair for us to expect at least a little effort in return? Sometimes our differences make us forget that we’re working towards a common goal and we begin to treat each other with such disrespect that it’s disheartening. This wasn’t brought up by a particular situation. Instead, it’s a mixture of experiences over several years.

I think we’re all at fault. Too often we replace the person with the title and treat them as such. Maybe it’s the holidays that are making me realize it but I’m not sure that it matters, does it?

It’s just another thing that needs to be fixed.

Technorati Tags: babbling, holidays, random

These first few sentences are for you. You who wait five minutes to move after the light turns green. You also love to drive 20 miles below the speed limit. This baffles me. I’m not a strong advocate for speeding but you make me wish horrible things upon you when you go 35 in a 55. Oh, and this morning you cut me off because you weren’t smart enough to notice the very obvious “LANE ENDS IN 50ft” sign. You constantly run your mouth and nothing clever emerges. Instead, you attempt to convince everyone that they’re not clever enough to understand your wit. You lack common courtesy. You are a piece of crap, sir, but you do make my day slightly more entertaining.

It’s been one of those mornings, if you can’t tell. In fact, it’s been a few days of these mornings. I have great days but dear god, I can’t sleep and I can’t stop thinking…

Life is turning around for me. I’ve been following the news more carefully lately, I’m enjoying my job, I’ve had a life outside of work this week, and I’m genuinely happy. So of course I’d find something to distract myself from the simplicity of the happiness, right? Well, not completely distract. Let’s face it, I could probably brighten anyone’s mood right now because I have a plethora of energy. Maybe you punch people that are as happy as I am. That’s ok, I’d probably still be happy.

Nevertheless, my mind wanders so much lately. It’s probably because I had some emotions stir up in me that I didn’t even know could be stirred anymore. I’m interested to see what I’m going to do about them though. In fact, I’ll probably keep writing about the situation because it’s going to be pretty entertaining…

I have some things that I want to write about so I’ll probably get into some sort of multi-part series again pretty soon. In the meantime, I’ll keep posting random thoughts and indirectly explaining the odd emotional situation I’ve found myself in and how much I’m loving meeting some new people out here.

I think this entry was pointless.

Technorati Tags: informative, random