Joshua Arnold

Coffee is an acquired taste. Most people love the aromas in the air but cannot quite appreciate the taste. I say they’re missing out on the addictive caffeine high that I’ve grown to know and love.

Sub-cultures tend to multiply at an astounding rate and the pastimes change so quickly that it makes my head spin. We have coping mechanisms for our inability to keep up: “It’s a trend,” “It’s a phase.”  Surely these are true, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re at least partially self-fulfilling prophecies.

I’m almost tempted to question my uniqueness in this world when someone greets me with some sort of gesture that I could’ve sworn I created. It’s mind boggling to consider the odds of both of us creating some new greeting and meeting each other. While it helps make this world feel a little smaller, it certainly does not help demystify the complexity of this universe we live in.

I think we drastically underestimate the complexity of our lives and the decisions that we make on a daily basis. I know this because my job is to model these decisions and automate them whenever possible. Believe me; you’d be surprised how much information is needed to make even a simple and objective decision.

Personally, I believe there’s a beauty in the art of modeling these complex decision making processes. The art and perhaps the underlying creative process is obviously vastly different than their traditional understanding, but it’s hard to argue the comparison when you’ve worked with some of the people I’ve had the privilege of assisting. Each of these individuals has had their own special way of approaching situations and creating the designs that help piece the puzzle together.

Problem solvers, designers, happy-hour groupies, and poets; I’m surrounded by representatives of so many of these sub-cultures and there are only 15 people in my immediate view. A man to my left is developing something in Java and the women to my right are blowing off some steam from what was obviously a tough week. No, I wasn’t eavesdropping; I believe the shots of tequila were a clear enough sign.

Some come for the atmosphere, some enjoy the company, and others just didn’t feel like sitting at home. Everybody here has their own take on the world and it’s always so different. I mention the obvious because sometimes I find myself wrapped up in my own world and I find myself spending my time modeling decisions instead of making them.  In fact, I get so wrapped up in what I’m doing that I get a little lost.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to strike up a conversation and say whatever’s on my mind. It’d probably go something like this:

I enjoy a nice cup of coffee, I spend too much time trying to understand everything, and someday I’ll grow up and be a little more grounded. What’s your story?

Technorati Tags: babbling, coffee, experimental, realizations, reflections, slightly lost

I’m at the airport a little early and I had time to trim my fingernails this morning. I’ve got a new haircut, my shirt is still unwrinkled and I’ve got some great tasting chapstick in my pocket. If that’s not enough, Jack’s Mannequin is soothing my ears as I’m getting ready for one heck of a week.

It’s amazing how our perspectives, no matter how simple they may be, can complicate our lives. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to strap on a backpack and embark on an adventure with my guitar in my hand. Sure things can get stressful (it’s in their nature, right?) but do we really need to dwell on issues and make them our lives?

I think December dug its roots deep this year. It really is the turning point for all of us, you know? We come together and are inevitably forced to reflect on our lives.

What have we done?

Where have we been?

Who are we?

Where are going?

Who do we want to be?

The last question is the one that gets us the most. More often than not, I’m driven by my passions and I find myself being the person that I “should be” in order to pursue these passions. What I’m finding lately is that this isn’t necessarily the person that I am. I wish I could have these two personas meet. I wonder what they would think of one another.

If you could describe me in one word, what would it be? I think I would choose ambitious. Or maybe it would passionate. Ambitious seems to cover more ground because my ambition is driven by my passion. Arguably, I’m ambitious to a fault.

I think that if you compared my current self to who I was a year ago the most notable difference would be that I’ve finally discovered balance. I’m learning to spread my ambition to span more than just my career and finding other things to occupy my time. I love my work and that’s typically why I’ve chosen to make it my number one priority but there’s just more to life than that, you know?

I’m making time to do more than work this year. In fact, here is my 2009 to-do list (in no particular order):

1. Take pictures of Christmas lights

2. Photography Outings

3. Camping

4. Boating/Wakeboarding

5. Read

6. Write More

7. Get better at Guitar

8. Find a coffee shop and become a regular

9. Outdoor Activities (hiking)

10. Explore the shops on South Congress

11. Shooting

12. Go to a Longhorns game

13. Play more board games

14. Get more involved in church

15. Start a young-professional’s bible study and fellowship

16. Go ice skating

17. Go to concerts

18. Perform at an open mic night

19. Visit museums

20. Visit art galleries

21. Visit more poetry slams

22. Visit Boston

23. Tailgate a UT game

24. Paintball

It’s a work in progress (especially since I tend to add a new item every day). Some of them are very short-term (take pictures of Christmas lights, for example) but it’s really just a list of things that I want to explore outside of the 9-5.

What’s on your list?

Technorati Tags: 2009 adventures, airports, reflections, traveling

I’ve spent the months since my first attempt at this series doing two things: 1) reading and 2) reflecting. I know I’ve been quiet about this topic for some time now (4 months?) but I’ve been gathering the information that I’ve needed to come to my own conclusions. Now that I feel like I’ve come to some sort of blinding realization, I am inspired and driven to share my findings.

I’ve read tons of articles that relate specifically to some fun new terms I’ll inevitably be throwing around:

• The Emerging Church
• The Evangelical Left

Before I continue further with any of this, let me say this:

Regardless of how you stumbled upon my blog, I implore you to read my writings knowing that I do not intend to judge or belittle the traditional church; nor do I intend to create any hostility by stating my opinions. Instead, I simply intend to communicate my experiences over the past few months in hopes that they help even one person.

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My journey started a few months ago. A dear friend of mine sent me a text and asked me about my relationship with God. Now if you’re not familiar with my story then just know this: our friendship had always been a struggle. In fact, this was the one of the few times we had spoken since an argument that we had over half a year beforehand. Needless to say, a question like that had some weight coming from her. The question was a simple one but it still managed to establish a nice home for itself in the back of my mind.

Faith is a constant struggle because it forces you to rely on something other than yourself. I had been making some serious steps towards strengthening my beliefs but my problem stemmed from this basic fact. I wanted to be able to tell her that things were going great and that God and I had never been happier but I didn’t want to lie. Instead, I told her that I’ve been struggling but it’s going better than it has in the past.

Random phone calls are always enjoyable. I was busy working on some ideas that I had for work and I was finally in the zone when my phone started ringing. A text message from her was surprising but a phone call was shocking. I answered with the hope that I wouldn’t regret doing so and was met with the voice of someone new. The newfound passion she had for God absolutely blew me away. After hearing her story, I was inspired. I had to change, I wanted to change and I was going to start that very second.

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I’ve never been fond of Christian-terminology. It makes me feel like I’m making a ton of inside jokes and expecting the world to understand them. It’s not intended to be exclusive but that doesn’t change the fact that it is. On top of that, it has the tendency to make me sound a little crazy. When I’m struggling with my faith, the last thing I need is to have the rituals make me sound like a nut. I’m not saying that I don’t agree with the terminology; I just think it takes away some of the realism.

I don’t like to put God in a box; I just think he’s far too powerful to fit inside of one. I also don’t like it when people try to analyze him rather than just getting to know him. He’s not very far away. Sure, his reputation might come off as a little intimidating but he’s really quite lovely once you get to know him. He’s always ready and willing to have a little chat. I think that when you take away some of the realism, you forget the most important piece of the puzzle: God is real.

I think religion has a way of brainwashing you. The moment you find yourself doing something out of habit and for a reason that you explain as “because we’ve always done it this way”, I think that means there’s something wrong. Routine means that things are calculated, outlined, and rational. I don’t think it’s fair to God to turn our relationship with him into a routine. He loves us enough to give up everything and we repay him by saying repetitive prayers, lighting candles, and having someone else apologize to him for the times that we’ve hurt him. You’d think the least we could do is talk to him directly and say “I’m sorry”.

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I want you to know that God is real and that we are pretty close friends now. There are times when I’m difficult to deal with or I think that he’s being unfair, but we always work it out together. He’s really something else when you take the time to have a chat with him.

He’s not afraid to tell the world about our friendship. Shouldn’t I do the same?

Technorati Tags: 2009 adventures, discoveries, finding my faith, reflections, religion, spirituality

We stared in awe as she approached us. We rested on our knees and our eyes became intimately familiar with the concrete beneath us. As she continued past us, we sat in silence until I finally rose to my feet. We continued in silence for quite some time as we began to consider the depth of the experience.

It’s a box labeled “world travel” but I know that it’s more than that. It’s a collection of everything that has made me who I am.

There aren’t enough photos to communicate these experiences and it’s not something that I can explain to you over a cup of coffee. I’m afraid it would take a lifetime to scratch the surface of what happened to all of us four years ago.

It’s become a part of me and I often take advantage of it. On the other hand, the joy of reminiscing over it all when I do remember might just make up for that. More often than not, it’s looking over clouds at 40,000 feet and remembering what it was like to look over the ocean and wondering what was in store at our next stop.

It makes you question everything about yourself and it removes you from the selfishness that we all seem to have instilled in us since birth. If there’s one thing I wish I would always remember, it would be that sensation of selflessness that we all experienced.

I’m beginning to wonder what it will be like to see everyone this holiday season. I’m certainly not the same person that everyone is expecting to reconnect with. I wonder how many of my expectations will be just as misplaced. I suppose that’s part of the excitement though, isn’t it?

Technorati Tags: december, reflections, self-growth, traveling, winter

From well-formed metaphors to a variety of clever one-liners, we characterize our lives in words that people often find to be more than its cracked up to be. There seems to be this innate tendency of cynicism we fallback on when it comes to being content with our lives, is there not? There are ways around this, I’m sure, but why is it that we have to try so hard?

I’m a sucker for Ben Gibbard, vanilla soy lattes and a room full of strangers. It’s not about the companionship (otherwise I’d be far more motivated to join them in conversation), it’s the reminder of the diversity that exists around me. As I listen to Such Great Heights and tap my feet along to the beat, a couple casually sits down on the couch to my left and relaxes. They cuddle up in front of the freshly lit candle and begin to exchange stories that invoke laughter and comfort.

I suppose it’s safe to say that I tend to find others lives far more interesting than my own. Given the small number of people in this room with me, I wonder how many of them have a similar point of view. How about religion? Music? I think we take our common interests for granted more often than not.

The holidays are around the corner, again, and I’m not the man I used to be. I remember the thoughts, emotions, and actions of the person I was one year ago today and it’s amazing to think about how far I’ve come. I wonder what it would be like to share a cup of coffee with you, old friend. Would we still get along with as much as we’ve all changed?

It was my year for adventures, growth, and accomplishments and believe me: I’ve had plenty of all three. God has blessed me with a unique position in the company that I am working for, I’ve learned from my past experiences and grown from each of them, and thanks to a dear friend of mine I’m pushing through various struggles in my faith.

I hope all is well with each of you and I hope to see you soon.

Love to All,
Josh

Technorati Tags: austin, career, december, discoveries, holidays, holidays 2008, reflections

I’ve gone a while without truly sitting down to reflect. I’m a large supporter of the value found in introspection and I’ll be the first to advocate its importance – yet, somehow I still let myself go for long periods of time without doing it. I’m up nice and early on a Saturday and now I don’t really have an excuse not to take the time.

A lot has changed for me in the past couple of months or so. Two months ago I sat down and drafted a few goals that I promised myself I would make happen:

• Begin to truly define my career path
• Get into shape
• Strengthen my faith
• Strengthen my leadership skills

The past two months have been a journey of doing exactly that.

Defining my Career Path

I’m an avid supporter of Neumont (the university from which I graduated) and I began advocating to strengthen the relationship between my company and the school when I first started here. That’s not the only thing I’m constantly advocating for. Let me digress a little bit…

It’s funny. A lot of people know that I work with computers but not too many people actually know what it is that I do, ha ha. I specialize in software architecture, requirements gathering and analysis, information modeling, and software project management; just in case you were wondering .

Anyway, starting in August I began using the methodologies that I’ve seen work in all of my previous projects. I began shaping my career path and getting a good feel for where I stood within the company. I’ll tell you this much, I’ve been loving every minute of it since then.

It’s stressful at times, I won’t lie about that. One of my greatest weaknesses is that I have the tendency to make my projects my life. When you’re that adamant about the success of something, you’re bound to be ripping your hair out at some point. I began realizing that I really need something else to do with myself besides going home and working…

Getting into Shape

A little over a month ago, my roommate and I decided that we were going to get into shape. This wasn’t one of those “let’s go to the gym every once in a while” type of decisions. We showed up at a gym the next day and purchased monthly memberships and training sessions with a personal trainer. He promised us great results and assured us that we could expect to lose 8-10 lbs and 3-4% body fat every month for the next 3-4 months. I thought he was full of crap but decided that anything was better than nothing at this point.

We started with the diet. This has NOT been an easy feat, by any means. It was not your average cut in food consumption. It’s been brutal! We try our best to stick to it. We may deviate every once in a while, but we’ve been pretty good about it so far. Then there’s the workout…We’re at the gym an average of an hour and a half each day…six days a week. I went from going to the gym about twice a week for about 30 minutes each visit to THIS.

Four weeks later and our trainer was right. We’ve dropped a very significant amount of weight, we’re looking and feeling healthy, and well on our way to hit our goals by the holiday season.

Strengthening my Faith

My original goal was to strengthen my leadership skills. While I was still set on doing that, I realized that this was something I couldn’t do without first strengthening my faith. You see, my faith plays a key role in every single thing that I do – even though I may forget this fact every once in a while.

I began doing a lot of reading, the result of which can be found in one of my previous entries. I’ve read the book Blue Like Jazz at least twice now and I just cannot get enough of it. As I promised in that previous entry, I will be continuing a series of entries that explains everything more in detail.

Strengthening my faith isn’t something that comes easily for me (for anyone, really). This book addressed so many of my problems, complaints, and questions but I have to truly internalize it all before I can expect to move forward. I have changed a great deal in the past two months but I know I could be a lot farther along.

Strengthening my Leadership Skills

Like all of my other goals, this is one that I will be perpetually seeking to perfect. I’ve spent countless hours buried in reading. From re-reading Leadership and Self-Deception to re-assimilating every project-management book that I can my hands on, this is something that’s been a big priority for me.

I’ve always been pretty confident in my ability to manage a group of people and get a job done. In fact, I’ve rarely ever doubted that I could do so. Lately, however, I’ve been focusing on the process more than I have the end result. I’ve been focusing more on ensuring that I’m “out of the box,” if you will.

I’ve been busy, there’s certainly no denying that, and I’d like to think that I’ve changed a lot in the past few months. I’ve grown both intellectually and spirituality and I think I’ve matured a lot as well. I hope all is well with each of you.

Love to All,
Josh

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, career, growth, reflections, resolutions, self-learning

I’ve been obsessed with a few artists lately. The most recent one (for the past several hours) is Sam Beam of Iron and Wine. He’s an amazingly talented musician and he truly just blows me away. The others, to name just a few, are Leslie Feist (namely the album Open Season) and almost anything by Ben Gibbard (most notably the song Couches in Alleys by Styrofoam).

I began a new series of entries a couple of weeks ago and have yet to follow up on it, terribly sorry. I do intend to do so this weekend now that I’m adjusting to this new routine that my friend Drew and I have found ourselves in. If you haven’t heard, we’ve decided to make some major changes in our lifestyles to really get into shape. From an extreme switch in diet to a very intense workout schedule with our personal trainer, there have been some drastic changes around here.

It’s interesting to think about how life has changed over the past year for me. Some years can sneak by and you barely notice them. However, anytime you move across the country more than once in a single year, that year can’t just “sneak by” you, y’know? Moreover, the changes in job and lifestyle are just astounding. I’ve gone from hating my life (and complaining about it constantly) to loving everything about my job and well, life in general. It doesn’t stop there, either.

It seems as though every day my responsibilities grow, I am challenged, and I get a chance to truly show what I can do. After years and years of hard work, I’m starting to get a preview of the benefits. As confident as I may be, this is something that I can never truly say that I deserve. I find myself incredibly blessed on a day-to-day basis and I only hope to be able to leverage my position to do something great. Let’s just hope I can actually pull it off .

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, career, iron and wine, music, ramblings, reflections

I had originally planned on writing about Blue Like Jazz in its entirety but I’ve finally come to realize that it just isn’t something that I can do. I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around my thoughts and feelings about my latest read and, well, it’s not something that can be wrapped up in a single entry. It’s a continuing process of change and understanding. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that I barely took the first step today.

I think I’ll randomly take excerpts from chapters and explain how they’ve affected me. My dad is the one that recommended I read this – in fact, he bought a copy and had it shipped to me so I kind of felt obligated to read it. You see, him and I have both struggled with the modern-day church (a topic I ranted about some time ago). He told me that this book helped him wrap his head around a lot of his issues and thought that it could be of help to me as well.

I reluctantly opened to the first page and began my search for something that pissed me off. This is something I always do when I’m not exactly “excited” to do it. The first chapter was void of any of my pet peeves so I decided that I would give it a shot (and by “give it a shot”, I meant continue my search in chapter two).

“I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time. This is why the devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man’s mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God. I was into habit. I grew up going to church, so I got used to hearing about God.”

The author had me with this one. “It was an interesting way to open the second chapter”, I thought to myself. “No, that’s not it”, I mumbled as I continued to figure out why this statement was so captivating. It happened to be a combination of a couple of things. I’ve lowered my view of my fellow “believers”, if you will, to such a point that I almost find it amazing when they say something that truly moves me. It’s the repetitive and blinding routines that seem to suck away all traces of intellectual thoughts. This one was even more interesting to me as it’s something that I had been thinking for quite some time. It was one of those issues I had that I just couldn’t put my finger on: there really can be something WRONG with being that religious.

In this chapter alone, he began to bring the concepts of Christianity to a level of humility that I could actually relate with him. Taking a very neutral stance from his faith, he very calmly and clearly stated that there is something wrong with our image and practices.  He apologized for the wrongs that I firmly believe 99% of all Christians are guilty of and convinced me that he had something genuinely interesting to say. He didn’t sound like he was writing this as a preacher and he sure as hell didn’t sound like he grew up in a temple. Instead, there was dialog that happened in every day places over current events, and broke the taboos that infuriate me.

I was officially hooked after the second chapter. I wanted to hear more from this man that clearly knew things that I didn’t. He had managed to find a way to accept his faith and not throw away his mind or his happiness. Not only that, but he still managed to present himself as someone that I would love to have a deep conversation with over coffee and not someone that I would never want to be seen with in public.

As if that wasn’t enough, I’ll leave you with the words from that back cover of the book:

“For anyone wondering if the Christian faith is still relevant in a
post-modern culture,
For anyone thirsting for a genuine encounter with a God who is real,
For anyone yearning for a renewed sense of passion in life…”

Technorati Tags: 2008 adventures, discoveries, finding my faith, reflections, religion

Obvious statement of the evening:

It’s a long and very intensive process to ensure that we end up with what we really need.

I originally thought that I was going to write about what I was working on this evening. Well, it’s actually what I’ve been working on for the past few months. It’s just truly amazing how long it takes to really get anything done.

We’re working on some exciting new features and working with a lot of exciting technologies. Sometimes it’s just frustrating how much of the leg work needs to get done before I can actually start doing the FUN stuff. It’s getting there but it’ll be about another week until I can get there.

This week is going to be a busy one. I doubt that I’ll get much time to write until next week (not unlike last week although last week I had time and just couldn’t find anything truly interesting to write about). I’ll be working with the exciting technologies and might have some things to show by then as well.

I finished the book I wrote about last time: Blue Like Jazz.
I’ll be writing about that very soon as well as some of the open mics I’ll be visiting soon.

Love to All,
Josh

Technorati Tags: coffee, informative, music, reflections, updates, work

Humidity is a pain in the ass. There’s really no way around that fact for me. I’ve come to find that I’m helpless against this anomaly. Water in the air? I grew up in a desert, come on. Obviously I knew about this before I chose to move here but, as most of you know, that’s not enough to stop me from complaining about it.

I’ve been on quite the Neutral Milk Hotel kick lately. From Holland, 1945 to Two Headed Boy, I’m quite infatuated with their lyrics. Granted, their vocal styles aren’t for everybody but the lyrics are incredible. I started off being obsessed with Jesse Lacey’s covers and now I’m enjoying the original tracks themselves. If you haven’t experienced them, I highly recommend:

• Holland, 1945 (the original as well as the cover by Canoe)
• Two Headed Boy Pt. 2 (the original as well as Jesse’s cover)
• Oh Comely (the original as well as Jesse’s cover)

I’ve also been spending most of my day listening to Steve Tannen’s latest album, Big Senorita. I highly recommend that one as well .

Work is still intense and it’s only going to become increasingly more stressful over the next few weeks. I knew what I was getting myself into starting this project so I can’t really complain about the situation right now; nor can I really wiggle myself out of it either. It’s the final stretch and there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me, I’m looking forward to having a weekend off and being able to enjoy activities outside of work.

I’ve learned so much from this project. It’s pretty unbelievable when I think about what we’ve accomplished in the past two months. From architecture to management, I’ve really had to stretch my abilities and push the envelope for this project. It’s a complete 180 degree turn from my previous positions. There wasn’t enough to do in those positions to keep me busy for a day. Now I don’t have enough time in my day to do what I want/need!

It’s been a great project and I’m hoping that it becomes a success. I’ll be blogging more on what this success could mean for me (and what the project actually is) very soon. In the meantime, I’m going to get a little bit of sleep and get ready to finish up as much as I can tomorrow.

Technorati Tags: career, reflections, riderrally