Joshua Arnold

Coffee is an acquired taste. Most people love the aromas in the air but cannot quite appreciate the taste. I say they’re missing out on the addictive caffeine high that I’ve grown to know and love.

Sub-cultures tend to multiply at an astounding rate and the pastimes change so quickly that it makes my head spin. We have coping mechanisms for our inability to keep up: “It’s a trend,” “It’s a phase.”  Surely these are true, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re at least partially self-fulfilling prophecies.

I’m almost tempted to question my uniqueness in this world when someone greets me with some sort of gesture that I could’ve sworn I created. It’s mind boggling to consider the odds of both of us creating some new greeting and meeting each other. While it helps make this world feel a little smaller, it certainly does not help demystify the complexity of this universe we live in.

I think we drastically underestimate the complexity of our lives and the decisions that we make on a daily basis. I know this because my job is to model these decisions and automate them whenever possible. Believe me; you’d be surprised how much information is needed to make even a simple and objective decision.

Personally, I believe there’s a beauty in the art of modeling these complex decision making processes. The art and perhaps the underlying creative process is obviously vastly different than their traditional understanding, but it’s hard to argue the comparison when you’ve worked with some of the people I’ve had the privilege of assisting. Each of these individuals has had their own special way of approaching situations and creating the designs that help piece the puzzle together.

Problem solvers, designers, happy-hour groupies, and poets; I’m surrounded by representatives of so many of these sub-cultures and there are only 15 people in my immediate view. A man to my left is developing something in Java and the women to my right are blowing off some steam from what was obviously a tough week. No, I wasn’t eavesdropping; I believe the shots of tequila were a clear enough sign.

Some come for the atmosphere, some enjoy the company, and others just didn’t feel like sitting at home. Everybody here has their own take on the world and it’s always so different. I mention the obvious because sometimes I find myself wrapped up in my own world and I find myself spending my time modeling decisions instead of making them.  In fact, I get so wrapped up in what I’m doing that I get a little lost.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to strike up a conversation and say whatever’s on my mind. It’d probably go something like this:

I enjoy a nice cup of coffee, I spend too much time trying to understand everything, and someday I’ll grow up and be a little more grounded. What’s your story?

Technorati Tags: babbling, coffee, experimental, realizations, reflections, slightly lost

I can’t get to sleep tonight and I’m not even tired. I don’t really feel like I have anything good to say either, but I feel the need to write something. I always have something to say – it just might take a while to get it out of me.

I’ve decided that I might want a relationship. If you know me well at all, this might be a bit of a surprise. I’m typically one to keep to myself and not pursue any sort of commitments that don’t revolve around my career so yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. That’s not to say that I’ve met anyone that made me change my mind…actually, I wish that was the case. Instead, it’s the the desire to meet someone that will make me want to change my mind about a few things.

It’s tough to meet people out here. People get so upset with me when I say that – as if their anger could potentially change my situation? Yeah, I want to meet people but I don’t want to meet just ANYONE. I don’t want to have one of those conversations that make me want to hang myself. Trust me, I have plenty of those and I’m getting a little sick of them. I just want to connect with someone, anyone. It’s getting tough out here without that personal connection.

It really is a new year. I’ve severed all communication with so many people that it feels…weird? I’m not sure if that covers it properly or not. Nevertheless, I’m in a pretty severe isolation mode right now and I want nothing more than to break out of it.

I need to get out and explore. Any ideas of what I can do to meet people that can have a decent conversation?

Technorati Tags: blah, random, rants, slightly lost, weird

“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”

But seriously, I was up late again last night and somehow managed to get to work by 7:30. I have a rather large new assignment at work that I’ll begin hammering out today – hopefully. I managed to lose the files I grabbed yesterday so I figured I’d get a post in while I wait an hour for this thing to re-download.

I find myself in a new place this morning. It’s vaguely reminiscent of past memories and perhaps similar to feelings that I’ve had throughout my years but I’d like to think this time it’s different. Although…whether that’s a good thing or not has yet to be decided. Nevertheless, it’s nice to know that I haven’t become completely callous over the years. I’m still shaken up by my holiday mistakes but they’re evolving into one of those lessons I know I’ll never forget. That, in combination with the new feelings that I have, isn’t the easiest thing to deal with but I’d like to think that I’m managing. Even if I do space out for an hour every now and then.

It’s a defining moment. No matter how I look at it, I am responsible for choosing where we go from here. Do you think I have the courage?

Technorati Tags: ramblings, slightly lost, weird